I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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