my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
