I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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