I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize