SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
