yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
