I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
