Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She's just so happy...and so naked.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
