So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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