it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
