Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
