What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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