You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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