Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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