I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
