There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
