I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
