Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
