Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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