just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize