The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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