WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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