on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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