Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize