My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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