i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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