I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize