That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
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