just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
