i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
