He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
