Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm passing your future prison.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
