all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
