It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize