my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
