I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize