Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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