So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
