he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
