I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
