He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
