The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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