her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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