She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
His nipple licking is glorious
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