Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
