There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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