I need help removing her.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
