I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
