Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
