Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
