i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This is my gift to your gina
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
