My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I need moral support for this bender
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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