just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
