u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize