Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
