What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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