He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
