I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize