Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
