would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
