Too much gin, very little bucket
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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