I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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