He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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