Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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