So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
