he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
