Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
