I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
