we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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