you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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