I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
