Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize