There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
