i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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