thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
