Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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