dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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