apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
