how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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