I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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