apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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