Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
