I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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