do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
