I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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