If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
