Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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