Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize