dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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