don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
