After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
