Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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