I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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