in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
