The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
