About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
