He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
