So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
