how can u be prego again
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
