Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dignity is for republicans.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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