Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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