You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
