yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
