you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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