I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
