also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
