I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
