know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
